


that obstacle of a wall, let's break it down

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Grocery Shopping, It gets better I swear, M/M, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 22:13:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19282234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: yuta has established a new habit, but sicheng tries to break it before it breaks him.





	that obstacle of a wall, let's break it down

when management broke the news to them of having their japanese debut, yuta only felt two things: excitement and anxiety. excitement because, well, they'll finally record songs using his mother tongue and the thought of performing them in a japan concert possibly in the future brings him nothing but bliss. and the latter part is because, how can he contribute to this? would he get more center positions and lines this time? since it IS reasonable to have their only japanese member to be shown more since it will be performed in his native language, right? would he be able to pull this off? such thoughts clouded yuta's mind even when they went back to the dorms after practicing for 'touch'.

the first thing sicheng did when one of their managers had their dance practice come to a halt, then later announcing the news he brought with, was to look at yuta. he then felt the slight change of aura surrounding the said boy. yuta might come off as confident, feisty and a bit intimidating, but a factor of those is just an identity the company has told him to be. he's still a boy that thinks twice on everything he says, making sure that he expresses his sincerity to everyone. with that thought, sicheng has a hint of what's making the gears of yuta's mind work and decided to talk about it later, also making a mental note to ask taeil to sleep at johnny and taeyong's room for tonight.

 

the moment yuta entered their room, fresh from the shower, the first thing he noticed is sicheng on his phone and taeil's bed is still made when usually the older would put his things on his bed before heading anywhere else in the dorm.

"where's taeil hyung?"

sicheng peeked from his phone then answering "oh i asked him to sleep at johnny hyung's room tonight." yuta sighed, he already knows what this means because sicheng would only ask taeil to sleep at the others' room when he wants to talk about something. thankfully, he understands and doesn't mind every time.

yuta sat down at sicheng's bed as the owner sat up. _i knew it_ , sicheng thought. "it's what manager hyung said earlier isn't it?"

yuta only nodded as a small breath was released, he leaned towards sicheng's chest and the chinese just hugged him. these are the times where both of them know no words are needed, just comfort and an unsaid promise of staying by each other's side.

 

✫彡

 

sicheng sensed something was off with yuta was when he kept on disappearing for 30 minutes the night after he confirmed yuta's worries and the nights after that. whether they stay at the dorm or after a tiring schedule, there's not a single night where yuta doesn't disappear. _now there really is nothing to worry about, is there? maybe he's taking walks outside the dorm or something..._ sicheng thought. for some reason, he never really checked. so he decided to get up and find him after two weeks of yuta's nightly 30 minute disappearance.

sicheng was startled as he opened the door. yuta is in front of him, eyes wide open in shock.

"i was just about to find you, where did you go anyway?"

"just somewhere." sicheng scrunched his eyebrows, not satisfied with the answer but he let it be anyway.

"i'm serious, don't worry about it." the japanese said, noticing his boyfriend's doubting.

"if you say so." sicheng then grabbed yuta's hand and walked towards the latter's bed. "oh? why my bed?"

they laid down on the bed and sicheng immediately hugged yuta as he let out an "oof" from the sudden hug. "i just missed you"

"that's silly winko-chan."

sicheng just hummed as he felt himself falling asleep.

 

the next morning, sicheng woke up alone as yuta had an interview that required him to wake up earlier. sicheng stretched and saw taeil on his bed reading a book. odd, he has never seen taeil read a book in the morning before.

"good morning hyung."

"good morning sicheng-ah. taeyong heated up some food doyoung brought last night." sicheng just hummed as an answer.

"sicheng-ah."

"yes hyung?"

"don't you yuta's acting kinda weird lately?"

sicheng's head snapped toward taeil as his elbows propped up, making his vision a bit blurry because of the action.

"i did! he's disappearing every night."

"every night? i only noticed him hurriedly closing his bedside drawer when i went in two nights ago, he also brought a perfume with him. and taeyong said he bought a pack of mints when they went to the 7/11 nearby." now that last part was definitely odd because he usually doesn't eat mints even if the members are offering him some.

sicheng was speechless as he's trying to sink in the information he got when he woke up.

"you didn't know?" taeil asked.

"i didn't." was all he replied before going up before heading out to the kitchen for breakfast.

 

✫彡

 

the next time yuta's odd "behavior" happened was a month after _that_ night. sicheng did confront yuta about his worries of him disappearing every night. yuta then promised to not worry him further and decide to not "disappear" every night. he actually kept the promise, though sicheng still doesn't know where he goes. if yuta goes somewhere alone, without him, then it might be a really personal thing so sicheng tries to not overthink about it. but he can't help but overthink, _yuta tells me everything! from where he is whenever he has a separate schedule, to every single concern he has, may it be inside or outside nct._ sicheng thinks. he didn't hear haechan calling him until he was in front of his face. sicheng snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at him.

"it's your turn for the hair and make-up" haechan said before putting his hands on sicheng's cheeks, slightly squishing it.

sicheng said his thanks before he swatted the younger's hands and proceeded to go to the coordi noona. they have a recording of 'touch' in a music show that day so he's trying to make himself look like he's not out of it as much as a 4-hour sleep would offer.

"where's yuta?" he hears taeyong.

"he said he went to the bathroom." johnny said.

"it's been 20 minutes though? he's the only one who hasn't done his hair and make-up yet." this made sicheng bring out his phone and text him of his whereabouts.

as he was about to hit send, the man in question entered the room.

"where have you been?" taeyong questioned.

"the bathroom. i told johnny." yuta answered.

"it's been 20 minutes though?" the leader repeated the question said earlier.

"something just came up." yuta said as he sat on the empty chair beside the waiting coordi noona.

sicheng then grabbed his hand and asked, "is everything okay?"

yuta flashed his iconic smile as rubbed his thumb against sicheng's knuckles. "of course sichengie."

that did not settle sicheng's mind.

 

okay, maybe a bit.

 

yuta went out again that night, so sicheng decided to wait for him to come home and sat down on the couch and turned on the tv.

"winwinnie?"

turning his head towards the owner of the voice, doyoung was in the view.

"why aren't you asleep yet?" doyoung added.

"i'm waiting for yuta hyung to come back."

"he's not here?"

"no." he answered as the door opened, revealing yuta and a strong smell of his perfume that sicheng loves. but tonight it smelled so strongly he subconsciously scrunched his nose. seeing yuta home, doyoung went back to wherever his business originally was.

"where have you been?" he immediately questioned his boyfriend.

"out." is the only response he got as he watched yuta go to their room. sicheng turned off the tv then went to their room to pull yuta back towards the living room, not wanting to disturb their taeil hyung who is now sleeping peacefully.

"what? is there anything wrong?" _a snappy yuta? well that's a rare occurrence_ sicheng thought.

"yes. you're still acting weird."

yuta slightly tilted his head in confusion "i'm acting weird?"

sicheng rolled his eyes then said "ever since a month ago. you've been disappearing every night and now you're also disappearing while in the middle of a schedule!" his voice was suddenly faltering and his chest felt heavy. "taeil hyung also found you closing your drawer in a panic a-and bringing a perfume with you every time." he doesn't know why but suddenly yuta's face was covered with concern and he feels tears running down his cheeks.

"stop crying." yuta pleaded as he cups his lover's cheeks and wiping his tears.

"just answer me." sicheng still tried to stand strong, wanting to get the answer he keeps on finding immediately.

"i can't, i don't want to hurt you." sicheng tried so hard not to have his voice raised out of frustration and disturb his sleeping members.

"but i don't want you to be hurt. you don't come home with bruises or anything. you-you're not cheating on me are you?"

"no no baby no i would never do that to you." yuta felt himself getting heavy with guilt. he didn't mean for his sicheng to think that way. he rested his forehead against the younger and closed his eyes.

"i just need to solve this myself."

sicheng took a last deep breath before saying "okay. but i'm here okay? never forget that." he then leaned in and gave yuta a kiss.

 

✫彡

 

a few days later, since sicheng could never help but feel antsy, he decided to follow yuta. they finished their last music show recording of 'touch' and a photo shoot and interview for a magazine. it ended at past dinner time, so taeyong suggested they would eat at a samgyeopsal restaurant—which is 15 minutes away from their dorm by car—to celebrate the end of the promotions as well. but yuta said he'll go home first since he was "starting to feel sick". when their van reached their dinner place, sicheng left a quick kiss on yuta's cheek then he went out of the van. yuta couldn't help the smile on his face.

on the way to their dorm, yuta asked their manager to drop him at the playground near the dorm. he insisted he'll be fine alone since it's a few hours before midnight and not a lot of people will be around.

when yuta was dropped off, he went to the familiar bench facing the slides and sat there. he sighed before taking out a cigarette pack and a lighter from his backpack. he placed a stick between his lips and lighted it, taking a deep breath and exhaling a puff of smoke.

he never wanted to smoke. he tried it once during high school out of curiosity and he never did it again just because. his dad smoked a pack once when he was young and he was disgusted of him throughout.

he's not dumb. he knows he's smoking because of the japanese debut their manager mentioned a month ago. he held his hopes up high and waited for an opportunity to contribute to any of the songs in the album. then a few weeks later they were informed that all the songs are already written and the only thing left to do is to record it and learn the choreography.

when he found out the number of lines he has is similar to the past title tracks, he was devastated. he thought he couldn't make his parents proud because he only has about three short center positions in a song where he was supposed to stand out more, because it IS a japanese song, a debut, after all. he had blamed himself for his incompetency, he knew he could've done more. he wants to be a role model to the japanese trainees in sm and now he doesn't have the chance to offer the world the potential sm has been limiting him.

he's about to pull out a second stick when a hand forcefully grabbed it.

it was sicheng.

and he's breathless with a thin cover of sweat in his forehead.

oh no.

he fucked up.

"really? this?" sicheng said as he's catching his breath. "this is what you're hiding from me and the other members?"

yuta just looked up at the dark sky as he's trying to not let the tears fall.

"why? is it the same worry you had a month ago? are you really-" 

"YES! I'M STILL NOT OVER THE FACT AND UPSET THAT THEY'RE NOT USING ME AS THE CENTER OF CHAIN!" yuta just didn't care how petty that sounds anymore. he's also greedy for attention and couldn't be anymore patient, not when he let this chance slip. ultimately, he's still human.

sicheng kneeled down and took his hands which made yuta sit straight, surprised.

"baby, why didn't you tell me this?" sicheng asked in a quiet voice.

"i... i didn't want to express and say my frustrations to you. i don't want you to worry about me if i could handle it myself anyway."

"but yuta hyung, i always worry about you. especially when you're frequently going out and not telling anyone. i thought about how you must've felt about the japanese debut ever since manager hyung announced it to us. i know this would affect you in a negative way, i just didn't know it would have you be in this state."

that brought a small smile to his face. he felt assured knowing that he has never left sicheng's thoughts, and maybe this was a selfish and non-beneficial decision after all.

they were silent for a while.

"i didn't want to do this i swear" yuta mentioned exasperatedly.

hearing that made sicheng release a sigh of relief "i know baby." he then kissed yuta's forehead, leaving pecks on both of his cheeks, and a long meaningful one on his lips.

sicheng stood up and pulled yuta with him. "give me the pack."

without a word, yuta brought out the cigarette pack and handed it to his boyfriend.

sicheng threw it in the nearest thrash bin then showed a small encouraging smile at yuta. he then intertwined their fingers and started to walk away from the playground. when the latter realized they're walking on the opposite direction their dorm is supposed to be, he asked where they're going.

"you'll see." uttered sicheng.

 

they ended up going at a near grocery which is a five minute walk from the park. yuta would ask why they were there but he deemed it useless seeing sicheng's determined face.

"aren't you going to get a basket?" yuta said jokingly. the blonde just slightly shook his head then dragging his boyfriend towards the candies section.

"pick a lollipop pack."

yuta let out a small sound out of confusion.

"just choose a pack with your favorite flavor in it baby." sicheng said shyly, not used to say the pet name so casually. yuta had let out a little smile because of that before dragging (playfully, to let his boyfriend know what it felt like) him towards the international section.

now it was sicheng's turn to let out a small sound out of confusion.

yuta was scanning the products, sicheng noticed they were in japanese characters, before exclaiming out of surprise and grabbing an odd pack of chupa chups.

"ramune flavor?"

yuta just stared at him with a sheepish smile.

"isn't that soda?" he just received a hum in response.

after paying for the lollipop pack, they started to walk slow and indulge themselves with the night air while having their hands intertwined.

 

an hour later at their room, both of them settled and was cuddling at sicheng's bed, talking lowly so taeil wouldn't wake up. "you still didn't tell me why we bought those lollipops." yuta remembered despite being on the verge of sleeping.

"well, i know that suddenly breaking your smoking habit is hard. so i want you to take one lollipop if you feel like smoking again. or just find me so we can make out or something."

"hmm, i'd rather do the second option." yuta said with a smile.

"after i spent my money for that? no way." sicheng chuckled then cuddled more towards yuta as much as possible, wanting to smother him with all the affection and the love he needs.

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is my first fic and i hope you like it! please look forward on my upcoming works :)
> 
>  
> 
> suggestions on how to improve my writing are much appreciated <3


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